A Mind On Overdrive

I point blank refuse to watch horror films. Everything about the story interests me, but I won’t watch them because it’s afterwards that I refuse to deal with.

I have a mind that is continuously on overdrive. Continuously working and continuously on repeat.

In terms of horror films, I could watch the film, feel jumpy whilst watching it (as most people would) but, I would be able to finish the film and be OK – I say OK because I’d still be switching the light off and racing up the stairs and checking nothing/nobody is behind any of my doors – it’s afterwards that bothers me. It will hit me suddenly and all the horror from the film I’ve watched will replay in my mind. Anything that scared me or made me feel uncomfortable will replay over and over.

Strangely, I’ve used horror films as an example but over the last year or so, I’ve simply realised that I have a mind on overdrive & horror films are one of maaaany things that link to this trait of mine. So, for this post, I thought I’d list characteristics of mine – a person with an overactive mind, and you may or may not relate.

 

I live the past and future just as intensely as the present.

Memories from years ago can creep up on me and affect me now, just as much as they did then and I’m not even talking major life events that you would expect to have that reaction from, I’m talking absolute stupidness, where maybe I’ve said the wrong thing, smiled at the wrong person etc.

In terms of now, I have the mentality of how do you live for now when everything you say or do, affects the future? I find it impossible to just do something now, and live for today because everything needs to fit into the future and this is how I am continuously living in the future. I am always looking ahead, looking at what I would like to be doing, should be doing and then over analysing what I’m doing now in order to be doing whatever in the future. Sound exhausting? It is.

I’m never content

Always looking ahead, means I’m never happy or content with things right now. I never allow myself to be happy with now, and if there was a reason to be happy with right now, I’d probably not allow myself a reward as my mind would straight away jump to the next thing to do, the next thing to focus on, the next thing to conquer.

I’m always tired 

Many reasons contribute to my tiredness but you can pretty much wave goodbye to a good nights sleep if you have an overactive mind. It can completely take over and you simply sleep very little, if at all. Or another way it works for me, is I’ll be absolutely exhausted so I’ll fall asleep easily but, I’ll wake up, probably around 3ish, and that’s it… I’m awake. It’s so frustrating because this is the time when, if I’m generally stressed, these stresses will then take over my thought processes. But, if I don’t particularly have much to stress about, this is when something from the past will decide to replay itself, an upsetting news story, ANYTHING basically, determined to keep me awake.

Missing Out

There have been some things I haven’t gone to because I’ve over thought how it could turn out or how awkward/uncomfortable I’ll feel. There have been times when I’ve been in a situation but not fully enjoyed myself because I’m overthinking what could go wrong, different ways I could embarrass myself, different ways I could trip and land on my face, the number of people who will be staring at me and judging me – the list goes onnnn.

Speaking for everybody else 

I have created an answer or a thought process for everybody before they’ve had the opportunity to actually say anything. My boyfriend will be reading this nodding INTENSELY. I can’t even explain the number of times I ask him a question, he answers it and I tell him he’s not telling the truth because It’s not the same answer I had already answered that question with.

I can be shopping in town with my Mum & feel like everybody’s staring at me – in my eyes, they aren’t looking at me for any positive reasons, it’s all deeply negative – and I know how often I’ll stare at other females either in admiration or because I like their makeup, hair, clothes, anything but that doesn’t work vice versa in my eyes.


So, there we have the return of my blogging with a deeply negative post but I know, I like reading posts like this so I don’t feel too alone so who knows? You might to.

Hope you’re well 🙂

 

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