Yesterday was the last day of the festive season with my family. We lounged around in the morning and lay on the sofa watching movies in the afternoon until 6 o’clock when on came the dreary local News and that’s when it hit me. Christmas is over and I’m not happy about it.
It’s the return of school runs, work for those who had time off, and in my house, Tipping Point at 4, The Chase at 5, news at 6 (Dad I’m looking at you) and then the soaps (Mum, your turn). And I have to say, I’ve loved the change to that routine over the last few weeks. It’s been filled with relaxed mornings, Christmas TV, many board games, all the food and spending more time with friends and family. The only habit we maintained was the soaps that I generally don’t watch throughout the year but have loved over the last few weeks.
It has been a crazy two months but I’ve enjoyed myself. I visited America, went on a cruise and came home smack bang in the festive season. December was filled with excitement, happiness and an element of spontaneity that completely differs from my regular routine. It was a change from the norm, and a change I welcomed. I felt generally happier in December than I have throughout the whole second half of 2017 and to be honest, I think I’m just apprehensive that going back to normality means the return of me being less happy.
It’s a strange one though because as much as I love Christmas, I usually have the mentality of January 1st: new year, new start, down go the Christmas decorations and just generally the end of Christmas. Whereas this time, I feel as though I’m clinging on to it with dear life.
One part of me feels the utmost determination for the new year. I feel the determination to make sure this year is in no way like the second half of 2017 and to improve everything. But the other part of me is living in the past and to be honest, this is a general fight I have with myself. I live in the past, present, and future equally rather than just enjoying right now.
I do know my problem though, and Niall if you’re reading this, I know you’re thinking it. There’s a general lack of routine in my life at the moment and I miss it. Within the months before I went away and again now, I’m mostly fitting myself into the routine of others. Be that arranging to see Niall whenever he isn’t working, planning going shopping with family or seeing when a friend is free to meet up in Costa. Most plans have been based on the schedules of others because I’ve pretty much had nothing going on.
So, while I feel sorry for myself due to the world continuing and me being stuck in the past, I guess I need to keep reminding myself of the determination I need to maintain. I need to get myself back in some form of routine, do things for myself and basically keep my mood positive for the year and not only when I’m in a different country or during Christmas.
Does anybody else feel the same way? Let me know in the comments x