Clearly, from that title, poetry holds my destiny. But no seriously, I’m 22 years old and I have very little idea what I want to do with my life. I’d compare myself to a lost little puppy, with no idea what step to take next.
There will be a fair few of you screaming “you’re still young, stop worrying” and while I see where you’re coming from, sorry but I disagree. I don’t want to wait, I want to know right now. My impatience stems from the fact that the one thing I know for sure that I want in life, is a home of my own and a family (I genuinely cannot wait). But I can’t or won’t do either of those without having my career sorted so in other words, at this rate, it won’t be anytime soon. Sorry, Mum ~ she’s desperate to be a Grandparent.
I’d describe myself as quite a proud person, I like working, and I want nothing more than to be successful in a career path that I am truly happy in. I did well at school, not meaning to toot my own horn, but I left with results I was proud of and happy with. While this was great, it did nothing but make me feel immense pressure to succeed and because of that, I’ve made some silly mistakes in terms of education, and never really stopped to think about what I really want or what was the wisest choice. I have made some bad decisions with things I have done, and wasted a lot of money in the process, but I will cut myself a little bit of slack and say I don’t know how much stopping for a breather would’ve helped because 5 years since leaving school (crazy), I’m still none the wiser.
I’m certain I’ve thought about every single career path since I was a little girl. I’ve wanted to be a teacher, a dancer, a nurse, a journalist, a photographer, a writer, a midwife, a HR worker, work in marketing, a makeup artist, a baker… literally everything. I’ve explored, and I am still exploring so many options and I’ve tried three of them in an education capacity – photography, midwifery, and law – and they haven’t been for me. So, I have student debt, and absolutely nothing to show for it apart from failure.
I will say that knowing what isn’t right for me is one positive of mine. I know what I don’t want to do or what I’m not happy in fairly quickly. And although it might take me a little while to admit that they aren’t right – my stubbornness – I can cross those off my list ASAP. For example, I now know I am not destined to be a midwife, nor a lawyer due to my failed stints at higher education. I also now know that a job in adult healthcare is not for me, I do not want to work in a nursery and I most definitely hope and pray I never have to work in retail ever again. But I can see myself doing so many other things. If I’m surrounded by something, I picture myself doing it. So, if I go for a Dr’s appointment, I think about being a doctor. If I have my eyebrows waxed, I consider being a beautician and if I go to my sibling’s school performance, I think about being a teacher. But I can’t keep going to college, university, or keep changing jobs to explore all these options. I don’t have forever.
I found the above quote on Pinterest a little while ago “Many things interested her, and nothing satisfied her entirely” and let me tell you, that is me summed up in one pretty little typography photo.
Quite simply, I lack passion. As I’ve said, I have so many interests but it’s rare that something excites me. The only two things I have found a passion for are baking, and blogging. I do both, and absolutely love them, but not to the extent of making money for me to progress in life, and so, for now, they’re my hobbies. Oh, and I do believe that when I eventually sort my life out enough to have children, that will be my life made.
I just feel so determined not to be like so many people in this world, settling for a job they’re semi-happy in, or quite often, not happy at all in. We spend far too much time working anyway, and I just don’t want to spend that much of my life, not happy in my place of work. I know so many people do this, and unfortunately, it might be the necessary thing for me to do to be able to move out of my family home, and ‘adult’. I just know I have a problem conforming to the rules of life, I often compare myself to Holden Caulfield. Basically, I’m seeking out happiness in everything I do because otherwise, what’s the point really?
I just hope and pray that within the next 5 years, things sort themselves out. I’d love for it to be much, much sooner because I am very impatient but 27 seems like a nice age to have my shit together.
Are any of you in the same boat? Not necessarily 22 years of age, but do any of you feel like you should have things sorted but are so, so far away from it? Please let me know so I feel less alone!