Why You Should Consider Ditching Your ‘Type’

“He’s not my type” is so often used as a reason to not pursue any form of relationship with another. It’s a statement I’ve heard so many people use, and I’m guilty of having said it myself but, if I had followed through with that thought process, I wouldn’t be in the happy relationship I’m in today.

If you’d have asked me what my future boyfriend would look like when I was around 7 years old, I would’ve said a cute white boy. I went to a predominantly white school at this age, so it was mostly just what I knew and was surrounded by, I guess and if you had asked me when I was 14, I would’ve said my type was mostly either mixed race or black. I was very much in love with Chris Brown, Trey Songz and all the London grime artists, mostly Scorcher at this age. Progress to 17-year-old me and colour no longer was a thing, thank God. I slightly loved Zayn from One Direction, Ryan Gosling was a babe of mine and Idris Elba… lovely.

I was 17 when I met Niall and we worked together for a while, being nothing other than friends. I thought he was physically attractive, tall (positive), broad-shouldered, (positive), and had the best eyes, but I wasn’t attracted to him for a while because he didn’t fit my type. The difference was that I fell for his personality before I fell for his appearance. He’s friendly, polite, and can speak to absolutely anybody. He also made me laugh a lot ~ the way to my heart. I felt relaxed and comfortable around him very quickly and the relationship progressed from there.

16-year-old me would have never matched myself up with somebody like Niall. Partly because of what I perceived to be my type and because we do have so many differences. As I said, he has a very positive, friendly aura whereas I’m quite negative, awkward in social situations and unfortunately have a resting bitch face. One genre of music he enjoys listening to is heavy metal and I despise the stuff. He doesn’t really like Chinese food whereas Chinese is my family’s go-to takeaway cuisine and he would much rather binge on packets of crisps whereas I’m all for Terry’s chocolate oranges and Dairy Milk Buttons.

But, if I didn’t step out of my comfort zone, and my type, I wouldn’t have realised that sometimes opposites work together really well. And would I have discovered the joy of Indian takeaway? Probably not, so more than anything else Niall, I thank you for introducing me to Tikka Masala, Pilau Rice, and a plain Naan.

I digress. Colour is a common type specification I’ve encountered from my childhood. The most common I’ve heard is ‘I’ll only date black boys’. I know this works the other way around too, but personally, I’ve never met a female who has told me their type is only white boys. While I used to admit my preference was a particular colour of male, I never excluded a colour from my list, but I do know so many people who do this.

Now, I’m older and wiser (cliché), I feel like nobody should limit themselves to a type. Yes, there are general physical features that we will find more attractive; be that tattoos, long hair or being taller than us, but nobody should be so quick to dismiss somebody for not fitting the idea of their perfect partner. You could be in a relationship with the most beautiful human being to grace the planet, but that doesn’t mean their personality or their heart is beautiful. There’s a limit on the love you can give somebody due to their physicality, but deep, genuine connection stems from loving somebody within.

The point of this blog post is for me to urge you not to dismiss anybody because they don’t fit your idea of perfection. Yes, we would all like a bit of Anthony Joshua or Chris Hemsworth (sorry Niall), but what we should all seek is somebody who brings out the best in us.

And before I sound anymore corny, or any more like Jeremy Kyle trying to give out life lessons, talk soon x

  • I loved getting to know you more! I also think you are so right! I actually never found myself having a type. Every single boy I went out with, were completely different to one another, people were always surprised by who I was dating. As of right now, I’m not seeing anyone, but always have in my mind what my next partner is going to look like. It’s so funny, because they never look like what I envision, but that’s okay. I usually daydream about that to pass the time! I completely agree though, people shouldn’t turn someone down because they aren’t your usual ¨type¨. Great post xxx

    Melina | ivefoundwaldo.com

    • Kaiesha Stewart

      Thankyou for reading & for always commenting! I know so many people who limit their options and I feel like it is sometimes self sabotage. Good for you for not having a type xx